"Smile though your heart is breaking..."
For those who've been emailing wondering where I've been and what's taking me so long to finish up my year end lists, it is with a heavy heart that I explain that my family suffered a great loss last week and all of my time and attention has been focused on keeping busy so I don't have to think about the gaping hole we've no way to fill. In November I made a post and mentioned my Grandpa and shared that he was ill. He left us peacefully Tuesday afternoon with a host of loving family by his side at home just the way he wanted.
Having to eulogize him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but somehow I made it through the service and my Grandma says he would have been proud. I hope she's right. I tried to keep it light and lively, just how he would have wanted but I don't know how well that came through the tears and pain. I made a memorial video of our family snapshots and utilized a mixture of his favorite songs and some of my own and while I was compiling them I came across so many that I thought I might as well share some. I won't put my eulogy here as it's really too long and far too personal for the internet but the poem that we printed in the program says so much:
God saw you getting tired
And the cure was not to be
So He wrapped His arms around you
And whispered 'Come with Me.'
With tearful eyes, we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away
Although we couldn't bear to lose you,
We could not ask you to stay.
A golden heart stopped beating...
Hard working hands were laid to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.
Love your families, folks. Today and every day. Cherish the memories that you share and do your best to make as many new ones as your time on this Earth will allow.
I was raised Southern Baptist but during my time working at a Unitarian church in 2006 I was exposed to an amazing amount of remarkable people that have all left indelible marks on my heart and among them was Mark Morrison-Reed who became one of my favorite people on the planet...
We are all dying, our lives always moving toward completion.
We need to learn to live with death, and to understand that death is not the worst of all events.
We need to fear not death, but life -
Empty lives,
Loveless lives,
Lives that do not build upon the gifts that each of us have been given,
Lives that are like living deaths,
Lives which we never take the time to savor and appreciate,
Lives in which we never pause to breathe deeply.
What we need to fear is not death, but squandering the lives we have been miraculously given.
So let me die laughing, savoring one of life’s crazy moments. Let me die holding the hand of one I love, and recalling that I tried to love and was loved in return. Let me die remembering that life has been good, and that I did what I could.
But today, just remind me that I am dying so that I can live, savor, and love with all my heart.
Let me too die laughing. Some of the following songs I used in the memorial video and chose for the service and a few of them I just love and they work to help heal in some way at this time.
Because he was a Cowboys fan...
Alexi Murdoch - "Orange Sky"
Oklahoma State University Fight Song
Because he was a proud OHP Trooper...
Junior Brown - "Highway Patrol"
I love both versions of this song...
Bruce Springsteen - "Highway Patrolman" (From Nebraska)
Bruce Springsteen - "Highway Patrolman" (Live in Dublin)
Some of these we used and some we didn't but I love them all...
Holly Dunn - "Daddy's Hands"
Bette Midler - "Wind Beneath My Wings"
Nat King Cole - "Smile"
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - "Somewhere Over The Rainbow/Wonderful World"
The Judds - "Grandpa"
Wilco - "On and On and On"
Kenny Chesney - "Grandpa Told Me So"
Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch - "I'll Fly Away"
Bob Dylan - "Death Is Not the End"
Mike + The Mechanics - "The Living Years"
Washington Phillips - "What Are They Doing in Heaven Today"
Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton - "When I Get Where I'm Going"
Diamond Rio - "I Believe"
Sam Cooke - "Peace in the Valley"
Gary Allan - "Life Ain't Always Beautiful"
Mercy Me - "Homesick"
The Judds - "River of Time"
Vince Gill - "Go Rest High On That Mountain"
Trisha Yearwood - "The Dreaming Fields"
Warren Zevon - "Keep Me In Your Heart"
And because he died just as he lived...on his own terms, to the beat of his own drum:
Frank Sinatra - "My Way"
Goodbye, Papaw!
1932-2008
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9 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you find comfort in family and friends during this difficult time.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
But you can take solace on the fact that he did live a full life and like you said at the end, did it on his terms and did it his way.
A fitting tribute for what sure looks like a guy who enjoyed a good time. I'm sorry, too.
I hope this finds you well. Sorry to hear of your loss. Have a blessed day.
Music goes along way when trying to deal with these types of emotions. One song that comes to mind that you did not list is Can't Cry Hard Enough by Victoria Williams and also covered by The Williams Brothers. I like the photo of you grandfather, he looks like a great guy.
Thank you all so much for your kind words...they are deeply appreciated.
what a heartbreaking post! may your grandfather's memory be for a blessing and my G-d comfort you and your family in your time of loss.
I am very sorry for your loss, know that my prayers will join yours.
Yesterday I listened to Taking The Long Road by the Dixie Chicks, and there is this amazing song there, called Bitter End. The poems you posted reminded me of it very much, perhaps it'll bring you some solace during this time.
"Sometimes before you smile you got to cry, you need a heart that's filled with music, and if you use it you can fly, if you wanna be high".
-The Roots & Nelly Furtado, "Sacrifice"
I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandpa. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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